Reflections
by AntiqueGothique
Summary: Alois Trancy and his reflections on his life, and who he is.
1. Chapter 1

"Jim, the Master would like to see you now." The maid, Alice informs me. As she steps into the room. I nod, my acceptance.

"Thank you, Alice. You may go now." I reply. She curtseys slightly and scurries from the room. I may not be even be honestly part of the Trancy household, but every one of the servants knows that the Lord Trancy has…how do they say… 'taken a liking' to me. He told them all to treat me as if I were his own child, and it came with privlages.  
A new room, more food to eat, baths more often, *nice ones,* clothes, beauty products, and respect from the workers.  
Is this what power felt like?  
Hm,  
I like it.

Hm. Ironic that the only one I don't receive that respect from is him, the one who struck me down with a cane, now he claims to love me as his own son.  
If I were his own son, would he love me like the way he does now?

You know, even if I think about that memory hard enough.  
My side begins to ache.  
Either there's still a bruise or... or maybe it's just my imagination.  
Whatever.  
The passed is in the passed.  
If I am to survive here, the only way is to keep rolling with the goddam punches.  
And to be exact, that would mean to obey the headmaster Trancy.

Honestly, I wish he would get murdered.  
The pedophile doesn't deserve a normal death, with a lovely burial.  
No.  
The twisted soul deserves to be cut up into pieces and fed to the wolves, with no one to ever remember his sick mine existed.  
I bet even the wolves would vomit his remains,  
They would probably taste his soul on the foul, disgusting skin of his.

The red kimono I usually wore for the Trancy headmaster slipped on, but it seemed off.  
I stared into the mirror, trying to pin-point what it was.  
Was it the red? Had it faded?  
Blue eyes scanned the clothing.  
No..  
Did.. did it no longer fit me ? .. Did I gain weight? Or lose weight ?  
No.  
Simply none of the above.  
I sighed, about to leave to see the Trancy elder, but I looked into the mirror again.  
The thing that was off was..  
Myself.  
I slowly walked to the mirror, placing a pale hand on the glass, edging closer like it was a portal that could teleport me out of hell.  
At least..  
I think it's me..  
My eyes no longer had light in them.. my face..  
Showed dullness..  
Absolute dullness.  
Is that what Father meant by my ugly eyes?  
Color of leaves left in the gutter to rust ? ..  
A tear withered down my eye.  
I see what he meant now.  
I'm dead inside.  
Fucking dead.  
My eyes for once, shown slight emotion.  
Anger and bitterness.  
I huffed in frustration, feeling it go through my whole body,  
Through my stomach,  
My lungs,  
My heart..  
I picked up the stool by the chair in my gold-red decored room,  
And threw it at the mirror.  
Hoping the reflection would die.  
Hoping that I would never see myself like that again.  
I fell to my knees, slamming my hand into the carpet, as I felt the glass rip at my skin a little bit.  
It ripped on my knees aswell, but I kept kneeling, seeing the tears fall onto the carpet,  
As the tears mixed with blood.  
A knock on the door startled me, and I immediately stood up.  
A maid came in.  
"Sir Trancy.." She scanned the mirror bits.  
"Is everything alright?"  
I almost growled. "Yes. It's alright. Everything is fine..."  
She gave me a suspicious glare.  
"Alright. Lord Trancy will be glad to see you now.." She said, taking my hand and leading me outside of the room.  
Something snapped in my head  
I instantly became angry at her touch, and slapped her away, causing her to fall into the wall.  
"You never touch a Master. Ever."  
"But.. you are not the master.. Tr-"  
I got close into her face.  
"He may be the master now."  
I glared closer to her face.  
"But not for long."  
I swiftly turned my body, and went to the part of the mansion where the Headmaster's room would be bare feet barely made noise against the red-gold carpet of the hall, the long, almost-twisting hallway.  
It probably would be pitch black in here, if it wasn't thanks to the candles mounted on the wall to light the way.  
Looking around the room, my heart was filled with greed, almost like someone stuck a needle in me and injected greed and envy straight into my heart. One day, I will claim the Trancy household as my own.  
No longer will I be a subject of lust, or need.  
I will be a subject of power!  
I finally saw the grand gold doors of the Trancy Master's room, with two butlers outside of the door. As I approached, they opened the door for me,  
I didn't even nod like I usually did to them.  
I entered the grand themed room, with the large bed containing the gross, obese master.  
"What took so long, boy?" He said, trying to sound like he had authority over me.  
I giggled.  
"I just wanted to look perfect for Father." I tried to sound as innocent as I could, with a devious plot in the back of my head.  
"Oh? Come, let me look at this so-called, perfection."  
I smiled and shyly walked to the bed, unwrapping a bit of the kimono from my body.  
His eyes lit up with hunger and greed for my body, which disgusted me,  
But I almost wanted to laugh.  
At his damned vulnerability.  
"Come closer."  
I obeyed, as he stretched his arms to stroke the skin of my stomach, and up to my chest, to cradle the side of my face.  
He looked down, and noticed my hand. He studied it for awhile in confusion, then at my knees, running his finger onto the cuts, which I didn't really notice what he was doing.  
Almost like a person buying an art piece, he examined me closer, brow furrowing in frustration. I got a little nervous as to why he seemed to irritated at me, his grasp seemed to become harsher, and his face became red with a temper.  
Then it clicked.  
Damn, the old man was crazy.  
"I..is THIS what you call perfection?"  
I was confused for a moment, until I looked down, remembering how I hit the glass. I looked at where he was touching, and saw the cuts.  
Fuck..  
The old man was crazy about his 'dolls' being perfect.  
He didn't like a bump on them.  
If he saw something.. he would basically go ballistic.  
I embraced it, though.  
I was ready for the punishment.  
There is nothing left, for me here.  
I guess all I could do was face this.  
I opened my mouth to speak, but was greeted with an abrupt slap in the face.  
I fell over, holding where he hit me, the pain sinking in, with a sharp sting, instant anger, and fear hitting me just as hard as the slap.  
I could feel it.  
Something snapped inside of me for sure.  
I felt like laughing after being hit.  
I felt like getting up and laughing hysterically !  
At how the old man thinks he has so much power..  
But he doesn't.  
Haha !  
For SURE I can over throw this old grog !  
I smiled from the floor, holding my face still.  
"How dare you call yourself perfect in my presence!" He growled.  
"...How dare you call yourself...master.." I slowly said, almost afraid what would happen.  
His head swiftly turned to me in an angry flash.  
"You BRAT ! What did you say to your father? "  
Was it bravery or insanity that settled into my mind to do this? Probably both.  
"You would like me to repeat? Fine. I said..."  
Matters of courage formed together in the pit of my stomach, as I was ready to speak my mind.  
My broken mind.  
Damaged from what HE has done.  
I got up from the floor and placed my kimono on, not allowing him to see my body any longer, and stepped closer to the bed, getting in his face.  
"How dare you call yourself master." The words came out slowly and coldly, as shock was written on his face.  
I expected a slap, and as I guessed, he was about to hit my face again. I backed up before he could do it, and his bare body fell out of the bed from the momentum he was waiting to throw onto my face, which angered him more.  
I knew he would kill me.  
I knew he was going for revenge.  
I quickly looked around the room for something..  
Anything..  
My eyes darted around quickly as my heart began to pound, I knew I was running out of time, I could hear the old man attempt to get up.  
I was almost frozen in panic, imagining what could happen.  
I sighed, trying to clear my mind, and looked around again.  
I quickly shoved him to the ground again just to buy more time to look.  
Then, I looked over to the fireplace in the room.  
I smiled, grabbing a fire poker, I swung it at his face, obviously cutting him.  
He growled, and grabbed a knife from under the bed.  
Fear rushed into my veins again, I put the fire poker in the fire, letting it heat up, before striking another blow to his head.  
When he was on the ground, he tried reaching for the knife, but I stepped on his hand.  
"You..." I muttered.  
"You caused so much.. pain.. damage.."  
He was about to speak, but I cut him off as a tear fell onto his chest from my eyes.  
"Now.. I will repay you.."  
"By letting you rot in hell!" I raised the heated fire poker, and stabbed him through the eye.  
His muscles went limp,  
His eyes fell dead, and his head turned.  
My breathing fell heavy, as I threw myself off of him,  
And began to weep.  
I..  
I killed someone...  
Me..  
J..  
Jim Macken..  
I laughed, wiping away the pitiful tears.  
Why should I be crying? I should be celebrating!  
Picking up the fire poker, I laughed, swinging it in the air almost in triumph, as the blood slid down from the handle onto my hand. I stared at it, looking at the blood of the man who caused so much damage, to so many families.  
Yes.  
I have dreamed of this day for so long.  
For so long, have I wanted this pile of shit dead.  
Now, it's a dream come true.  
I sat in his royal chair, which no one was allowed to do so, and placed the fire poker in my hands, stroking it slightly, as I watched the body of the old man from the other side of the room.  
Yes.  
He will definitely rot in hell, for punishment from hundreds.  
I looked down, but my eyes instantly shot up as I heard the doors break open, butlers and maids poored in.  
They almost looked as if they had relief on their faces, broken from contracts of serving the sick creature, and some with looks of horror.  
"T..There's a killer in the mansion!" A maid yelled.  
My heart raced, as I ran out of the room as fast as I could.  
I ran through the hall with the fire poker, as butlers tried to block my way out, I jabbed a few in the face with the fire poker.  
A few screamed in agony, since it was still hot.  
I ran through the hallway and down the stairs, almost tripping, as the exit was so close, but so far away.  
A maid blocked the door,  
I pierced her heart. The fire poker got stuck, I struggled to try to get it out, but it was no use.  
I heard others coming, so I left the damned thing. I don't need it to slow me down.  
Running faster and faster, I fled deep into the forest. I could hear their angry voices coming for me.  
Running, running, running.  
I felt like my heart was going to explode, until I tripped over a root.  
I fell into a bush, that also led to the inside of a small cave.  
I gasped for the incredible luck, and hid in there.  
I was almost in a complete state of panic, as I tried to lessen my heart rate, so they wouldn't hear my frantic breathing.  
I cuddled my legs into my chest,  
Hoping for them to abandon the search soon.  
I heard them come near me,  
Anxiety increasing through my blood.  
I held my breath.  
"He's not here...we lost him."  
"Damn..! What am I going to do for work? I can't believe this.. Our boss is- "  
I didn't listen to the rest.  
I didn't care.  
All I cared was their voices were getting fainter, and fainter.  
When I thought they were finally gone, I walked out of the cave.  
I could see it was night time, making me wonder how long I was actually in the cave.  
It was around 3:00 when the master wanted to see me.  
Now..  
I don't know.  
I laughed.  
Now I have.. absolutely nowhere to go.  
The reality started to settle into me, into my heart. But I didn't care.  
I'd rather die out here, than in the hands of the Trancy master.  
I turn to enjoy the cool air of the forest, walking a bit further.  
I laughed and trotted through, noticing a spider's web.  
I looked at the design, and smiled at the piece of art.  
The web seemed..  
Like it was almost tinted purple.  
The spider that crawled on it was about to eat a dinner.  
But..  
I felt it looked at me weird.  
I dunno.  
Whatever. It's just a stupid spider. I bet it didn't even see me.  
I shrugged it off, and continued walking.  
I looked back to notice the spider from the web was gone, though.  
'Gone already?' I thought. 'Strange.' Again, I shrugged the abnormal activity off, but when I turned to go further, I ran into a man.  
A tall man, with jet black hair,  
and golden eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

It seems years had passed.  
Years of pain, and suffering. But oddly, those years contained pleasure and happiness as well, as crazy and strange as it seemed.  
"My lord, would you like some more tea?" Claude said, standing over the cup.  
"I don't see why not." I spat.  
He nodded, almost bowing to me.  
"You know, Claude.." I began, as I sipped my tea.  
"Yes, Dama-sama?"  
"You look exactly the same..." My mind began to wonder off, as I thought of the past. Sometimes it hurt to think about it, but then I remember, 'Hell, I didn't go through that for no reason. I'm an Earl now. My suffering, has now brought me pleasure.' Of course, I was correct, being an Earl especially brought me pleasure.  
"Your Highness..?" Claude's voice brought me out of the void of my own mind. His golden orbs stared at me, awaiting a reply.  
"Oh, I sort of.. zoned out." Claude still remained emotionless, as usual. Even on the very day we met, his face seemed like stone. Maybe diamond, since diamonds are unbreakable, and his face didn't seem like it would be breaking of emotion anytime soon.  
"What was it you wanted to say?"  
"Hmm.. nothing.. it's nothing."  
"Are you positive?"  
"Are you questioning me?" A bit of annoyance rose to my blood.  
He nodded, and walked off to do god-knows-what-butlers-do.  
I sat at the large dining room, stirring my tea. My own reflection could be seen clearly through the murky drink. Whenever I see my reflection, though, a voice seems to always be there.  
The sick voice of Father.  
'Your eyes are the color of leaves left in the gutter to rot..'  
Hm.  
Ironic thing is, he was the one with the brown eyes.. not myself.  
A small laugh was brought from my throat as I remembered how people used to think they have authority over me, now I became the one in charge.  
"Claude?" I called to him, as my voice seemed to echo.  
"Yes, your highness?"  
"How long has it been?" I asked, looking up at his bland face.  
"For what, might I ask?"  
"Ever since you found me in that forest. Deep, deep in the forest, you remember? " My eyes returned on the spoon stirring the tea.  
"Three years."  
"Is that all? Three years, hm? Seems like it would be longer."  
He was still standing by my side, watching my hand stir the tea more and more, seeming as whatever sugar was left in the drink was probably crunched into nothing by now.  
"What were you doing, deep in that forest, anyways?"  
Bland, emotionless gold orbs looked from the tea to my being.  
"Of course, as a spider, I was awaiting my prey in my web."  
"And then, you found me!" I said, sounding perky, when basically he is meaning to kill me. I didn't really mind though. I stopped caring a long time ago.  
At first, I was very scared. Knowing I will never make it to Heaven.  
I was probably going to hell, anyways.  
Sometimes I really hated the demon.  
I would show him my emotions, devout my time to him, and even compliment the tall figure, but nothing, absolutely nothing broke his emotionless entity.  
Though, Hannah was the one I hated most of all.  
I wish she would reminisce, and remember she is not my mother, and never will be. Though the silver-haired woman claims to love me, she will never love me like a true mother.  
Never.  
And Claude could probably never love me, either.  
Though I admit, I have a crush on Claude.  
I don't care that I am a male, and he is a male, I know he doesn't mind for those types of relationships either, for he has told me of a relationship with another raven-haired butler.  
But, I cannot read the creature's thoughts through his dead-like face. Can't the damn thing show emotion.. just for once? Just give me a sign for hope, that he may want me?  
At all?  
...Probably not.  
He's a demon, afterall...  
He probably hates humans.  
I don't even know why he wants to serve me, a mere human.  
I know he wants food, my soul. But why would be break his back to even know my name? To even serve such a ...  
Brat. A fucking brat is what I am.  
Yes, I admit it, I want control. And I'm not afraid to do what I must in order to obtain this 'control.' Especially since others think they may walk all over me, I will use their skin as my personal rug.  
"Dama-sama?" Claude's voice broke all thought, as I looked down and realized half of the tea ended up on the table, and the spoon was bent a little.  
"You've been sitting there and stirring angrily for quite some time, why don't you leave so I may clean the table."  
I huffed and rolled my eyes at him as I shoved the chair behind me, and walked out.  
Walking, skipping, and twisting through the mansion, I got to the entrance door, and walked out. The fresh air hit my face like a breath of new life, the scent of flowers, and other natural scents filled the air. The sunlight from the early day seemed to reflect off of my blonde locks, making it seem almost a white-gold color. Which I thought, was interesting.  
I opened my arms, inviting the air into my arms, and the warm sunlight onto my skin, on this fine spring day.  
It seems as if all the darkness from my mind left with the wind as it blew gently, allowing the freshness of the air to clear my mind, and the scent of flowers to tickle my nose.  
My coat blew a behind me a little, as I ran with open arms into the garden. The grass made little to no noise against my heeled brown leather boots, into the bluebell field.  
I allowed my body to flow into the flowers, as I stretched my arms and legs out into the plants. Crushing a few, it was almost like I was becoming apart of the beautiful plant. Though, I wish I could do such a thing, and escape this world.  
I rolled over on my stomach, and noticed a red lady bug perched on one of the flowers. I smiled at it, and poked its back with my pale finger.  
"Hello, little friend." I said.  
It continued about its business, doing what bugs do. Just crawling up on the plant, seeming to enjoy its day.  
The grass felt like a soft woven blanket against my skin, and the bluebells were relaxing to look at.  
Oh, how these lovely flowers reminded me of Luca.  
Our fun times together.  
I loved him,  
With all my heart.  
I plucked a bluebell, and held it close to my chest, breathing in a deep breath of fresh air, remembering the good times I had with the brunette boy. They were the happiest moments in my life.  
Though, those moments were cut short when he died in the village massacre. I still wonder what happened to him this very day. My guess, is that he was trampled upon, or his body just gave up on exhaustion. I dunno.  
I closed my eyes, allowing my senses to take over. I heard birds sing, bees buzz, an animal, probably a deer walk near the gates, and I just softly listened to the wind blow gently.  
I love the air.  
My most favorite element of all is air. To me, it resembled new beginnings, new life.  
I was enjoying myself quite a lot, until I heard someone step by. A figure was standing over me.  
Caught up in my thoughts, I opened my eyes and saw Luca.  
I almost jumped up and screamed in surprise and delight, until I blinked.  
It was Claude.  
"Oh... you.. I swear I.."  
I shook my head.  
"Nevermind. What do you want, servant?" I hissed.  
"It seems the Phantomhives wish to come over..."  
My heart fluttered.  
"C-Ciel.. wants to come over?" I said, my heart about to burst through my chest. As odd as it may seem, I just about loved Ciel more than I did Claude. Claude was hot and all, but Ciel is absolutely adorable. He seems like just... the perfect boy!  
"Yes. They are coming tonight, around 8 pm."  
I jumped up from my spot, arms in the air, and smiling as wide as I possibly could.  
"Claude! Get the fine china, put the roses out, spray the house with the finest scents, we're going to put on a show for our guests tonight!" I yelled, voice echoing through the garden, as I ran into the Trancy Manor.  
My manor.


	3. Chapter 3

Ciel Phantomhive.  
The owner of the Funtomhive company.  
Quite a rich and well-known Earl, he is even known by the commoners.  
The stormy-haired Earl was becoming quite suspicious, he had heard a new Earl had entered the area. Of course, it was a little bit of a journey from his mansion to the other Earl's.  
What was his name again?  
Trancy or something.  
His suspicions were growing day by day. There was something off about the blonde Earl, even Sebastian himself was curious. But his curiosity was brought more towards the Butler. Sebastian said when he met him on the train, he had an odd scent about him, a scent he recognized, but he didn't bother to fully inform his Earl. It was quite mysterious.  
Though, the thing Ciel was most concerned with was if the Trancy boy was related to his enemies- the people who burned the original mansion down. His blood boiled at the thought if he even was. He would drive a knife into his eyes at that very moment if he found out if he was.  
But there was only one way to find out.  
To meet this.. Earl.

I happily kicked my feet at the bottom of my decorated dining chair, trying to choke down squeals of excitement and wild giggles.  
Ciel Phantomhive was coming over tonight!  
My heart fluttered in delight as I thought of him. Maybe we could become close friends...  
Maybe more.  
I first heard about him once I first took over the mansion. When I started paying attention to the news and word around the street, I noticed Ciel's name popped up quite often.  
He was usually the main concern with the stocks, or with company names and business. Though, I noticed a few girls poking at how cute he was. A few of them wanted to be his suitor.  
Whenever they claimed that they are better than one another, it made me laugh. But, at the same, time, it made me jealous.  
How does it feel to have people fight over you? To have people love you so much they would kill their best friend, just to be around you. I crave the attention, sometimes.  
I crave the love of others, to have people to wish to be you. Or to be with you.  
It must feel great!  
I giggled to myself at the dining table, enjoying my favorite tea Claude made for me. Hannah looked over and softly smiled at me.  
"What're you smiling at?" I said.  
"I'm just glad to see my Highness happy." She smiled, returning to her work of polishing the silverware.  
I sighed at her and continued to drift off into the thoughts of Ciel,  
I'm so excited! He could change my life!  
It seems the day dragged on forever. I tried my best to pass the time, entertaining myself by running around in the bluebells outside, playing in the garden, chasing the birds. I felt a little bit like a cat.  
From chasing the birds, picking flowers, arranging the house flower vases and organizing them like a florist, to trying to play the grand piano in the other room.  
Keys that were off rang through the room, but I didn't care. I was having fun.  
The keys were sloppy and messy, but eventually I managed to play a song that was only about three notes. I could only play the same tune over and over where it almost sound like a song, but it was close enough.  
I was never really musically inclined.  
I played and played, until the evening was setting.  
I gasped when I looked out the window, realizing how long it really was until Ciel was coming. My heart skipped as I almost screamed in happiness.  
I ran to the bathroom, taking out some makeup.  
I wanted to look my absolute best for the Phantomhive.  
I placed a light coat of foundation on, along with slight blush, while I updated my already-dark and long lashes with a bit of mascara, as I also lightly colored my lips a rosy color. It wasn't too noticable. It looked natural and neat.  
I fixed my hair to where it swept perfectly to it's sides, and my blue eyes seemed to shine.  
For once I felt..  
Beautiful. Attractive.  
I always hated my face, my looks, my body.  
Everything. Especially the scars.  
But,  
Ciel made me feel.. beautiful.  
When the doorbell rang, I let out a small scream. I ran downstairs, and from the door I could see the lovely Ciel standing there himself, with his butler near by.  
I gasped, as I embraced him into a hug. He sighed in revolt, which hurt a little bit.  
He pushed me off, which hurt.. but I kept smiling. It would be pointless to be sad now.  
"Hello! I'm Alois Trancy.. welcome to my manor! It's a pleasure to have you here as guests, please, follow me into the dining room. My maid will begin making tea for us."  
Ciel narrowed his eyes at me.  
The rumors were right, this boy did have a temper.  
But not as bad as me.  
I dragged him into the dining room, scooting a chair out for him.  
He looked at me up and down in confusion, before sitting down.  
I sat down, a little embarrassed of what I just did.  
I did a simple butler's job! How could I lower myself to that standard?  
I guess I was so ..  
So excited.. I just did it.  
I felt ashamed. I lowered my class just to impress this Earl.  
Hiding my embarrassment, the natural blush on my cheeks blended with the makeup on my cheeks, so it wasn't as noticeable.  
Claude came out and set out the tea set, while he went back to the kitchen to tell Hannah to make some tea.  
"So.. Ciel.." I began, smiling.  
"What brought you to my mansion?" I asked, as he stared with frustration. I felt a little bad. I felt like he hated me, and it's only been a few minutes.  
"I heard you were the newest Earl of the area.. after the recent Earl of this house had died. Your father, correct?"  
I felt my heart plunge to my stomach, as if the bad memories corrupted my mind.  
I always hated people bringing that up.  
This night wasn't exactly turning out to be what I had wanted. It just seems Ciel was here to make a fool of me.. or I was doing that job just fine myself.  
"C..Correct." I muttered, stuttering a little, catching the mistake in my voice.  
He narrowed his eyes again.  
"Tch. I see."  
"So, you were here just to meet me.. or check out the competition?" I said, smirking, crossing my legs.  
My heart was fluttering, I was trying to impress him. I wish he would see that.  
Damn.  
I can't even communicate right. I'm just a fool.  
Well, if I can't have Ciel..  
I could quite well be his competition.  
Quite a race it will be.. Phantomhive.  
He blushed a bit. "What?" He angrily spat.  
"I mean exactly what I say, Ciel."  
"I'm not worried about any competition." He said, looking away from me in frustration. I giggled. He looked absolutely adorable angry.  
"Then why did you even come here? To sit here and waste my time? Drink my tea?Haha." I laughed, putting my legs over the arm of my chair, watching his angry blush grow to a more red -rosy color.  
"No! I'm here to..." He took a breath as a bit of the blush faded, he tried to find his words but looked around as if he could find his sentence on the ground, or on the walls.  
"..Welcome you to the area of business." He forced a smile.  
I could tell the little shit was lying.  
I knew why he was here.  
"Oh? Is that so, guard dog." I said, as he seemed a little caught off guard by that name being mentioned, but I don't know why.  
"You know my line of business, don't you?" I smiled, seeing the confusion on his face.  
"Yes, in fact I do, Spider." He hissed.  
"You're just here to find out why I am in the area, correct? Your afraid of what I can do.. aren't you?"  
"No. I'm not afraid of you at all, Trancy." The sternness showed in his voice, which startled me a little.  
"I am here to find out what you are about. If you are here to cause me trouble, you and I will have an interesting relationship." He spat, standing up, scooting the chair out.  
"I believe I have found what I need. Sebastian!" He called out to his butler, similar to Claude.  
Both of the butlers entered the room.  
"Yes, my lord?"  
"Let us leave. I have found what I need. Let's leave this brat and his manor to himself."  
The butler nodded, and scowled at the butler besides him, my Claude.  
"Tata, Ciel!" I said, watching him leave as I waved at him good bye.  
I watched the carriage leave, as my heart sunk.  
My smile faded.  
I dropped to my knees at my door, as my head slumped on it, balancing my body on it.  
Emotion swelled within my form.  
I fucked up so badly.  
So, so badly.  
Ciel probably hates me.  
Claude stood by, as he watched my pathetic form fall to pieces.  
"Claude.." I called to him.  
He edged closer, but not daring to touch my form.  
"..Am I really a brat.." I whispered beneath my breath. Tears fell.  
"No, young master. I believe Ciel was just having a rough day. And from what I see.. you as well."  
He picked my body up as I curled into his form, and he walked to my room, and placed me on my bed, and began to undress me.  
Tears were still falling from my blue eyes, as he cupped my face.  
"My Highness.. I wouldn't get yourself so worried over another Earl.. he is nothing to worry about." He sighed. I nodded, as he slipped my nightshirt onto me.  
Before he left the room, stopped at the door way.  
"Call me if you need anything." He blew out the candles on the table by the door, before leaving.  
After he shut the door, I broke down.  
I put my face in my hands and started crying.  
I blew my chances with Ciel.  
He probably sees me more of an enemy than a friend..  
More of a loser than a lover...  
Why must every time I meet someone I truly love, I get pushed aside? Why? Why do all the girls speak of how cute Ciel is? Do none of them know my name? Must I do something drastic to make myself known? Why doesn't anyone know me? Why?!  
I stood from my bed and looked at the mirror, the memories and emotion of that one night..  
That one night my whole life changed..  
Everything was brought back to me.  
The tears flowed heavier and heavier, as I remembered looking at myself in the red kimono.  
Looking at all my pride scattered everywhere as I had none left, my Father stole it all and used it for himself.  
I felt so sick. So sick that I let this happen to myself.  
Maybe I was just a plague.  
Maybe everything bad that happened in my life was a sign telling me to give up.  
I looked at my reflection in the mirror, the moonlight slightly peeked through the curtains as it reflected a bit off of my blonde hair, just enough to give the room a faint light. My form seemed dead, like my soul. I even gave my soul to a demon.  
Why did he even agree to the contract? My soul is dead and gone anyways.  
Bad thoughts wouldn't stop plaguing my head, the tears wouldn't stop flowing.  
I hated crying. It was nothing but showing pure weakness. I wanted to put an end to it all. But I just couldn't stop crying!  
I walked over to the nightstand next to my bed, my feet making little to no sound in the carpet of my room, as I slid the drawer open, I took a razor blade out.  
I wanted to stop crying. I wanted the sadness to end. I wanted to engrave the pain into my heart, to see if I felt anything at all.  
I sat on the floor next to my bed, cutting at my pale, perfect skin. Ruining my perfection.  
Though I was never perfect, anyways.  
The tears fell heavily, as heavy as the blood, as I cut at my thighs, just enough where my shorts would cover them.  
I moved from my thighs to my arms, the blood streaked my white skin red, staining it perfectly, as if someone painted me.  
After awhile, I started to get very tired.  
The cuts weren't too deep, but there were many of them, as the blood trickled down them.  
Black started to edge around my vision, as the morning tried to break through the night. I realized I was up for awhile. I'd say it was around three in the morning.  
My head dropped as I fell over, my body forcing itself into sleep, with a faint puddle of blood on the carpet.  
There was nothing but black.


End file.
